Would I blame myself if I were a child now?

The gate of my primary school,
where I visited the first time after 30 years.

Last month I returned to my primary school, where I studied 30 years ago. After entering the gate, memories flooded my head. I saw my younger self playing sand with my friends. We climbed a small mango tree, chased each other up and down a staircase in front of our classroom, exchanged our favourite food, and the list goes on.

Flashbacks kept coming, including the downtimes. I was upset when my teachers gave me low marks and questioned myself for not being good enough. I was jealous of my friends having stuff I didn’t. I was physically hurt from disagreements with bigger classmates or fell from my attempts to prove to everyone I was the fastest runner or most talented climber.

My immediate reaction to those difficult times was to protect that boy, my child-self, from pain and suffering. I wanted to assure him everything would be alright. He did not need to worry or blame himself for anything. “Take it easy, boy; I would take care of you along the way,” I would tell him.

Now back to my current self, these questions arose: will I protect myself from suffering and pain? Will I be kind to myself when something goes wrong? Will I take joy in who I am when others do not see my value? Or will I, at least, wish myself to be happy and at peace.

I smiled and shouted, “YES, YES, YES,…”!

That was my practice of self-compassion in an eight-week compassion cultivation training designed by Stanford University. The idea of the exercise was to treat me with loving-kindness and compassion rather than self-criticism during tough times.

It is the same situation when you try to help your loved ones, your friends or even your child-self, who most of us admire. Do you blame or push them harder? Of course not! You are kind to them. Likewise, you deserve loving-kindness and support from yourself, if not others.

You can use this technique with your eyes closed, meditating or eyes opening in daily life. It could help you end hash narrations from your inner voice, which is mainly unkind to you. Repeat the following phrases whenever you are hard to yourself:

May I be happy;

May I be free from fear, pain and suffering;

May I find peace and joy;

May I be at ease with who I am.

[May I…(all the good/positive things)]

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