Why it took me so long to accept meditation?

Mountain-carved Buddha statue in Phnom Sampov, Battambang 

Having born in a Buddhism country, Cambodia does not make me meditate by default. Meditation is one of the core practices of Buddhists; however, many Cambodians, including me instead, are culturally bound to religious rituals. The practice is primarily for devout monks, practitioners and scholars.

Throughout my education from primary to undergraduate schools here, I never encountered any mediation teachings, not even once. That makes sense because I was not learning in Buddhist monasteries anyway! But socially, there is a belief that mediation is only practiced by those who scarify their lives to pursue a religious path. This thought alone kept me away from trying it.

I have no doubts about the benefits of meditation. It positively impacts our mental and physical health. Thousands of scientific studies have supported that. Though knowing this in my head could not push me to sit down, close my eyes and focus on my breaths. Forcefully, it was anxiety and fear that triggered my heart to slow everything down and observe my mind nonjudgmentally.

For the last two years, I have tried a few meditation techniques. I have practiced mantra, mindful and recently compassion meditations. Surprisingly, the methods have not led me to anywhere, neither the past nor the future. They keep me in the present moment, here and now. I feel grounded and see my surroundings clearer with a less reactive but calm mind.

I also gained nothing free from my practice. I needed to exchange many of my mental properties such as stress, anger, jealousy, fear and anxiety; I think there were more, to only two things in return, calmness and compassion. Without considering the number of items swapped, I think it was a fair trade!

With these positive changes, I know it is the way of living I was always searching. My journey to pursue this path just began, and I do not expect much from the destination. Experiences learnt along the way is more important for me as a traveller, and I am happy to share with all the passers-by.